Monday, August 25, 2014

Me, The Lord, And My Mess

Good evening my dear ones.
I have been struggling of late with my pride. Alas, it is a never ending journey. The side effects of this struggle is a lack of motivation, ungratefulness, and denial of being stubborn. One of the biggest hurdles that needs jumping, is my attitude toward the job the Lord has provided. I could easily throw all the blame on the job and use it as a scapegoat for my inner turmoil. Truth be told, I simply have been plain out right throwing a temper tantrum of a three year old in this area for the last several months. I just don't want to do it. Each day as I face getting out of bed to get ready for work, I spend at least five minutes trying to think of a way not to get up and go. With the grace and strength from the Lord, He gets me up, pats me on my bottom and gets me to work.
I make the day and the job all about me. It is time for this to stop. It is exhausting me to the point of a breakdown. I want to be the best, I worry too much about what people think of my strengths and abilities. Notice me please, I am over here! I want the customers to hear my words [to listen to me without argument thank you very much] and come away from the conversation thinking I know all and my isn't she just the sweetest and pleasantest person I have ever spoken with there. Because my mind knows just what to say and what to do to make ME look good. When the job does not go well, because I let my pride get in the way in the first place, I pout because they did not listen to me. I start to say how I don't like the job. Yes, dear ones, I am an egotist after all. That is a hard pill to swallow. The phrase the bigger they are the harder they fall, rings in my ears realizing just how inflated my ego really has become.
The Lord has been a knockin' hard on my head lately. I have questioned His authority: “Why do I have to go and do this job, Lord? Please may I have a different job?”
In response, I have heard His voice say: “Sara, I want you there and to continue to do this job. This is the job I have for you.”
I turned away ignoring the loud rapping on the door to my brain. This simply cannot be true, what good can come out of doing this job. Hmpf, I know myself better than the Lord, certainly there is a job better suited for me. So I have looked. Silly, silly Sara, taking matters into my own hands, nothing to be found. The Lord still speaks to me: “Sara, this is the job I have for you.”
“Despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him.” Hebrews 12:5 {KJV}
Or another version says it this way: "And have you quite forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you, his child? He said, "My son, don't be angry when the Lord punishes you. Don't be discouraged when he has to show you where you are wrong." Hebrews 12:5 {The Living Bible}
This verse brings to mind the devotional by Oswald Chambers: “It is very easy to quench the Spirit; we do it by despising the chastening of the Lord, by fainting when we are rebuked by Him. If we have only a shallow experience of sanctification, we mistake the shadow for the reality, and when the Spirit of God begins to check, we say—oh, that must be the devil. Never quench the Spirit, and do not despise Him when He says to you—“Don't be blind on this point any more; you are not where you thought you were. Up to the present I have not been able to reveal it to you, but I reveal it now.” When the Lord chastens you like that, let Him have His way. Let Him relate you rightly to God. “Nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him.” We get into sulks with God and say—“Oh, well, I can't help it; I did pray and things did not turn out right, and I am going to give it all up.” Think what would happen if we talked like this in any other domain of life! Am I prepared to let God grip me by His power and do a work in me that is worthy of Himself? Sanctification is not my idea of what I want God to do for me; sanctification is God's idea of what He wants to do for me, and He has to get me into the attitude of mind and spirit where at any cost I will let Him sanctify me wholly.” ~from My Utmost For His Highest
I am touched by God’s love and blessings with the thought of how He planned me. More endearing to my heart, God wanted me.
This realization hits my mind like a clap of thunder reverberating through the sky. This concept touched my heart a long time back, when I accepted Jesus as my Savior, but it has taken many a winding road to reach into and settle into my thoughts [into my brain]. Understanding what the condition [shape] of my stubborn pride is in, is like that though. A relatively simple idea so easy to grasp takes the longest to truly comprehend.
It reminds me of the book, The Shack, I read a few years ago. It held several important messages. One of the messages that seems to keep replying in my head, is the one that God loves me despite the mess that is inside of me. In chapter 9, entitled ‘A Long Time Ago, In A Garden Far, Far Away’ the story enters a garden that appears as a “beautiful mess” to the main character. Later at the end of the chapter after work in the garden was finished, this is what is revealed:
Sarayu reached up and kissed Papa on the cheek. “As always, your timing is perfect. Everything that I needed Mackenzie to do there is finished.” She turned to him. “Mackenzie, you are such a delight! Thank you for all your hard work!”
I didn’t do that much, really,” he apologized. “I mean, look at this mess.” His gaze moved over the garden that surrounded them. “But it really is beautiful, and full of you, Sarayu. Even though it seems like lots of work still needs to be done, I feel strangely at home and comfortable here.”
The two [Papa and Sarayu] looked at each other and grinned.
Sarayu stepped toward him until she had invaded his personal space. “And well you should, Mackenzie, because this garden is your soul. This mess is you! Together, you and I, we have been working with a purpose in your heart. And it is wild and beautiful and perfectly in process. To you it seems like a mess, but to me, I see a perfect pattern emerging and growing and live — a living fractal.”
The impact of her words almost crumbled all of Mack’s reserve. He looked again at their garden —his garden— and it really was a mess, but incredible and wonderful at the same time. And beyond that, Papa was here and Sarayu loved the mess. It was almost too much to comprehend and once again his carefully guarded emotions threatened to spill over.

I offer this prayer for all of you, my dear ones. As you take your journey with Jesus, may the Holy Spirit move within your heart, mind and soul. Let the Holy Spirit work with you in the garden of your soul, your beautiful mess. God loves you and your mess. Gratefully, receive all His tilling of the soil within your heart and His pulling of the weeds that distract from allowing His blossoming flowers to grow within your soul. In Jesus' name, Amen

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for visiting My Thoughtful Place Ministry's open chapel forum.